Saturday, February 5, 2011

And here we are today........

It's been a very long January and as we have started into February, it looks like it will continue. Mom is approahing 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital, now being in the "swing unit" meaning that the doctor doesn't go in daily and one is getting therapy to get their strength.

The thing is, Mom doesn't seem to want to regain her strength and she isn't eating well. She is sometimes pretty lucid, but other times she is confused. And she is sleeping a lot. They are supplementing her foods with products that add extra calories and protein, but she doesn't seem to really want to eat.

The days are long now, as I arise around 5:30, get ready for work, go to work, leave work, go to hospital and stay through supper. It makes for a long day, as I have been getting home around 7:30. 

Hello out there!!! I'm still me, I think. I still like thinking about going out to do things, even though that time is limited. I still like being asked if I would like to go someplace, even though I might not be able to.

How does one know how much time to spend with a parent in the hospital? Of course I cannot stay 24-7, but where is the balance? When does one claim some of their life as their own?  I know this is a privilege to be able to care for my mother, but why is it so damn hard?

Not looking for sympathy, just expressing thoughts. Sometimes it's a lonely path, even when you know that you have people who love and care for you.  What they can't do is take away the pain of seeing a parent who seems to be losing her zest for life.

Don't know what happens next with my Mom. I know if they discharged her today, I could no longer care for her. Her needs are greater than what I can handle. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring. Perhaps those answers will be revealed soon.


  1. oh, honey. i'm sorry and sending you my love. Email or call me anytime. I listen good.

    ps: ordered the Bonhoeffer book today. looking forward to Lent with you.

  2. Cathy,
    Know that you're being prayed for . . .I also know personally that is a privilege to care for our parents. It was a true gift to be able to be present for my mom. And it's okay to be angry and feeling lost and anxious about the future. Keep sharing your journey because it does help.

  3. Cathy,
    What a difficult situation! Try a brief visit on weekdays and a longer one on weekends. Your mother would want you to take time for you. When my dad was in a nursing home 3000 miles away, I didn't have a choice. I saw him so infrequently that when every few months I did, I was able to stay all day. I would have preferred a shorter time each day.
    Will keep you in my prayers.

  4. Cathy, I didn't realize this was going on. Please take care of yourself, too. ((you))

  5. Oh, this kind of thing is difficult. Eleven years ago, my aunt was in a nursing home near me, and my mother and I both visited her every day, switching off mornings and evenings. It was pretty exhausting, and there were two of us to share the responsibility. There are no easy answers when it comes to this kind of thing.