Friday, February 11, 2011

Today was the day

It's been a most difficult three weeks as Mom has been in the hospital. A host of ailments, therapies, and decisions. Mom went to the nursing home today as a rehab patient, hopefully to build up strength. Mentally she has been confused at times, and she has a set of questions that she repeats over and over.

Mom doesn't seem to have the fight in her to get better. She sleeps a good bit. She's not really eating much at all. She really didn't understand exactly where she was going and why and asked over and over where she was.

The nursing home is what it is  - full of older people, who can no longer care for themselves, nor can their families care for them in the way that is needed.I hoped to never have to reach that point with Mom, but we can't always have it the way we want it. Did I want to make this decision? No.But I knew I could no longer give her the care she needed at home.  But, like my Mom, they all had lives, many of them full and vibrant, perhaps doing similar work to what you or I do.

I am grieving....Mom and I have been close, always have gotten along. She cannot help the way she is now. Her zest for life is no longer there. A lady who loved people, loved going and seeing, loved to know what was going on, seems to have faded away.

This is a time of transition for us - I feel like I need to enter back into the world slowly and carefully as the same person experiencing life in a different way. Be patient and gentle with me. I feel fragile. I feel alone, though I have a wonderful network of support of people who love me.

Mom, I'll see her tomorrow.

Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, Lord Christ; give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love's sake. Amen.(from the order of Compline, Book of Common Prayer)


  1. (((Cathy)))
    Much love and prayer headed your way.

  2. "Protect us Lord as we stay awake, watch over us while we sleep; that awake we may keep watch with Christ and asleep rest in His peace."

    That's the antiphon for our nightly Divine Office Night Prayer.

    It is followed by Simeon's canticle in Luke: "Lord, now you let your servant go in peace, your word has been fulfilled. My eyes have seen the salvation you have prepared in the sight of every people. A light to reveal you to the nations, and the glory of your people Israel."

    Cathy - I will pray for you and your mom, and hold gentle space for you in my heart. Keeping watch with Christ is not easy. Staying awake, even for an hour ... can be impossible.

    We just do what we can, and trust God to know we are His, and we are here.

    Love you.