Saturday, May 22, 2010


Yesterday was one of those Alexander days - terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  It reeked of yuck. The morning was filled with home health care visitors - the nurse, the home health care aide to assist Mom in showering. Another urine specimen travels to the lab at the hospital. Mom doesn't want to eat, doesn't want to drink. Nada, nothing. C'mon Mom, I am going to read you the riot act. Get better. Now.

We had to make a decision about Mom's dog. Though she had a sweet dog of Callie, I started calling her mad dog. Other than Mom and me, she would nip bite anyone who entered into Mom's place. Not good when you have folks coming in and out to care for Mom, especially those who are terrified of animals. Mom was no longer actually caring for the dog - I was. And.... she had made a mess of the carpet... in ways I won't go into details. Bottom line was we had to do something with her. So yesterday we did.

Later in the afternoon, we took the trip up about 70 miles to return her to the place where we got her originally. We had been told that if we needed to return her at any time, we could. So after several conversations,  we took her "home" to where her roots were. Bittersweet. Had to be done.

Thankfully I had a friend go with me as I was feeling very blue and anxious. More anxious than I have been in some time. In fact, a feeling I have not had in some time. Anxiety that pervades my very being. Memories from some time ago when the anxiety attacks were such that I was going to seek medical help. I was scared of that feeling - no one can see that pain or anxiousness when it is bottled up inside until it overflows into tears. Tears of catharsis - which allows the anxiety to flow and drain.

We arrived home after picking up dear sweet 12 year old and ate supper. I was literally exhausted in all respects. I checked on Mom several times to take care of this and that, and trying to get her to drink. Frustration.

So this morning, I awaken at a little after 6 and peek into her door to check on her. She is sitting on the side of the bed. I walk in to check on her. She is talking. She is actually having a conversation. She told me she drank the smoothie we got her yesterday in the middle of the night. Her leg pain is gone. She feels better. BETTER.

Went over a little later. She is actually sitting in her chair reading.  Today, I am hopeful she tells me "I'm hungry". That will be music to my ears.

I am hoping this is a turn around in the pain she has been having. If it is a brief reprieve, I am thankful.

It's been a long several weeks. Painful on many levels. All I can hope is that the pain is past and we can continue the journey with outstretched hands.......


  1. Prayers...may there be all the grace you need.

  2. thank god for a better turn. thank god that you could take the dog back. thank god that you had a friend to go with you.

    anti-anxiety meds may be called for...they are a mainstay of mine...

    love you