Thursday, January 26, 2012

Light of my life pictured here

It's been almost a month since Mom's passing. Funny how life goes on - no real pauses outwardly, but I feel the pause inside of me - as in a regrouping, trying to figure out where all is arranged now.  I have taken my knitting as a way of finding time to think with the rhythm of the needles as the single strand of yarn becomes connected into a solid piece of work.

Lots of touching lately - by fellow workers, friends, and acquaintances, letting me know their thoughts are with me. Sometimes nothing is said, and that is ok.

Here is a highlight of this month - brightens my heart. He's three months old now. 
I have no idea why this scarf picture is sideways - it is not in my photo editing program.  Anyway, it's a cashmere scarf made from Yarn Harlot's Reversible Scarf Pattern.  Pretend you are looking at it in the right direction.

Working on a sweater and it is getting to the point where if I take a picture of it you might recognize it as such. Stay tuned.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Mid January

The blogger window has been open for several days waiting for some words to pop up on the screen. Funny, it has remained blank. Seems I can post a FB update status, but to actually put something together that appears to be a post..... well, it appears to elude me.

Out of sorts best describes the feeling I have right now. I can't really put my finger on any one thing, but can also put it on LOTS of things at the same time. Loss, winter, grief, yearning, lack of focus, all contribute, I believe. At least I can blame it on something. Whether it is that or not, I don't know.

In the meantime, I have been knitting. I am taking a class to knit a top down sweater - for the confident beginner. I believe my skills are a little beyond confident beginner, but how I benefit from this is to learn some little tricks on the way which only another knitter can show you - sometimes when you don't even think you need it. I also benefit from it by the fact that you have a deadline to get to a certain point, so it pushes me forward. I might get this sweater completed before it starts getting warmer here in South Georgia. If I took a picture of the work in progress, it would look all bunched up since it is on a circular needle, so I will spare you a picture. However, I have a little scarf in progress which I will share with you a photo (somehow it ended up above the paragraph, and I'm not fooling with it. I know better.).

I would be remiss if I did not mention how thankful I am for those who continue to show support, knowing that the grief from the loss of a loved one does not go away after a week or two. I found myself driving into the nursing home the other day and then remembered that Mom was gone.

Life continues on.

Thursday, January 5, 2012


Today was a day where the loss of Mom has really set. I am grateful for the weeks I have had off for Christmas, but am still feeling quite exhausted, wanting to sleep. Tomorrow work begins again, and am hoping getting into the routine of a schedule will help.

The sympathy cards have been of help, and has allowed the tears to flow (wet prayers).

I am thankful for the spontaneous gathering of friends for supper, even though I didn't feel like good company. They were good company for me.

Even though I knew it was time for Mom to go, I still really really miss her. A lot.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

6 months - no post?? Well, here you have it.

It's been about 6 months since I have posted and many life changes have occurred during this time. There is a grandson in our lives and we love him so! Almost 3 months old now, we are thoroughly enjoying him. Interestingly, on the same day he was born, my husband had a heart attack about the same time as his birth. Scary ordeal and very mixed emotions that day. All is well now, but we did have a scare.

Mom's failing health and general decline over the last year was difficult. Weight loss, increased dementia, and a stroke in December found Mom entering into God's heavenly kingdom December 28. Needless to say, we have had quite the year.

It has been very touching and moving to have the love and support of so many especially over the last months of Mom's life. Seeing a loved one, especially a parent, pass away, is one of those things you learn as you go. I am thankful for those who have led me along the way, especially when I didn't really know where we were going along life's path. Well, I DID know where we were going, but didn't always know the steps to take.

So, it has been a week since Mom passed away. Last night I dozed off in the chair and woke up suddenly thinking "Oh, I need to go see Mom" and realized she is no longer here. It feels surreal, as there is a void.

So the new year begins - and I don't know where it will lead me, but I am here.